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The Spinning Image Newsletter #9

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Did you spill our collective pint? Welcome to the ninth newsletter from The Spinning Image, and we're fighting fit. There's an aggressive side to the newsletter this time, as you'll see. But first, the let's get the business out of the way...

SITE NEWS

  • News Pages

    The homepage has updated film news with relevant links. Only the 10 most recent are displayed, but all news items are held in the archive for reference. Don't forget you can also send in your own news items via the Newsletter link.

  • Ratings

    There's a 10 star rating system on all reviews on the site. If you'd like to give a rating to a film you've seen then just scroll to the bottom of the review - select your score and click 'Rate Film' to see how your rating affects the films overall score.

  • Comments

    All reviews can accept your comments. If you want to add a snippet of info to a film, trivia, comment on the review or anything relevant then feel free. The reviewer will be informed of your comment and so may reply with additional comments. Consider comments as a forum of the film you're posting them to.

  • Login!

    To use any of the above features you must be a member (and you are aren't you?!) and you must be logged in! Members also get told about competitions in advance... maybe we should make competitions a members only feature - what do you reckon? I know, I know, you've got to be a member already to enter. But what if the competitions were hidden from Joe Public and only logged in members got to see them? A little thank you for using the site? Opinions please.


LET BATTLE COMMENCE

Naturally, we abhor violence here at the Spinning Image. And yet, we can't help returning to that age old problem - who would win in a fight between one movie and another? The Japanese sorted out the King Kong vs Godzilla puzzle, but what about these...?

  • Millennium Falcon vs Starship Enterprise
    The Enterprise wins on firepower with all those phasers and photon torpedoes, and they both break down a lot, but the Falcon has never blown up, and the Enterprise makes a habit of being destroyed. So let's give it to the Falcon!

  • Foxy Brown vs Cleopatra Jones
    Well, seeing as how Cleopatra's kung fu leaves a lot to be desired, and seeing as how Foxy Brown is PAM GRIER I don't think this would be much of a tussle. Coffy, Friday Foster and Sheba Baby could beat Cleo too.

  • HAL 9000 vs Joshua
    2001 supercomputer vs WarGames supercomputer - a tough decision. I tend to think that the wily HAL could outwit Joshua, especially as Joshua wouldn't use his nuclear arsenal anyway.

  • Leatherface vs The Blob
    Yes, it would be a fight to remember, but here I think we would see Leatherface getting a taste of his own medicine, and being eaten himself - no, that blade wouldn't help him against the sticky red stuff.

  • Santa Claus vs Aliens
    Santa Claus Conquers the Martians? Let's see how the beaming, bearded bastard conquers the unstoppable killing machines from outer space. I think it's safe to say that Christmas is cancelled this year.

  • The Thing With Two Heads vs The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant
    Dicephalous brawling would be the order of the day, but the combatants would probably be too busy fighting themselves to do much damage to each other. Four heads are not necessarily better than one.

  • Transformers vs The Care Bears
    Care Bears. All lovey dovey. Transformers. All violent to a fault. Could the Care Bears message of peace and love win over the rampaging robots? No! Machine wins!

  • Josie and the Pussycats vs Stillwater
    Both fictional groups, but how would the girlie popsters fare against the Almost Famous rockers in a battle of the bands? I'm guessing Stillwater could beat them in the volume stakes, but infighting might scupper them where the girls stick together through thick and thin. And they have hypnotic messages, too. The Pussycats win!

  • Cannibal Holocaust's natives vs Alferd Packer's party
    When two tribes go to war, who could eat the most? It would be a bloody contest to be sure, and maybe the cannibal natives would win by sheer numbers, but Alferd's party could show them a thing or two about song and dance numbers. Call it a draw!

  • Marilyn Chambers vs Jenna Jameson
    Not sure how this fight would be. A catfight? A sensuous lady girl-on-girl action competition? Anyway, Marilyn would win because she has that Rabid thing under her arm. Go Marilyn!

  • Yoda vs Kermit
    Yoda might have it where the light saber duelling counts, but Kermit has it where the back-up counts - he has loads of friends, among them Miss Piggy who would ensure Yoda would be flung over the nearest roof with a "Hiii-yah!" Kermit wins by default.

That's quite enough of that - how undignified! But if you have any other suggestions, let us know...


GUILTY PLEASURES

Here's Ben Howard with a bunch of films he knows he shouldn't like, but can't help himself...

  • Crimes Of Passion
    How can you not love a film that combines Rick Wakeman's synth-tastic score with a razor sharp, silver dildo wielding Anthony Perkins.

  • Dune
    The greatest facial hair movie of them all (and yes I'm including Gettysburg). Max Von Sydow, Jurgen Prochnow, and Dean Stockwell all sporting ridiculous face furniture. Oh, and a ginger Sting.

  • Commando
    Camp as Xmas actioner with Arnie as a Boy George loving ex-commando who wants to rumble with his former "friend", a butch Freddy Mercury look alike. "I eat Green Berets for breakfast" indeed.

  • Body Double
    Craig Wasson tussles with a half naked Melanie Griffith and grooves to Frankie Goes To Hollywood in De Palma's ludicrous but fun "homage" to Rear Window.

  • Revolution
    Al Pacino teams up with Sid Owen (aka Ricky Butcher) to take on the evil English invaders, while shouting. The completely incomprehensible script is complemented by Donald Sutherland delivering the worst Scottish accent in cinema history.

  • Mission To Mars
    Another De Palma rip off, I mean "homage", this time to 2001. Don Cheadle grows natty dreadlocks, Tim Robbins and co perform a conga line while space-walking, and bad CG aliens cry when they see humanity destroying itself ? Moving in so many ways.

  • Devil's Advocate
    Pacino shouts again (a lot) as Lucifer himself. Keanu looks confused as his wife turns into a gibbering wreck, Taylor Hackford laughs behind the camera in disbelief that the studio stumped up the cash for this.

  • Showgirls
    Impossible to dislike strip-drama from the king of big budget sleaze, Paul Verhoven. Elizabeth Berkley mistakes sulking as acting and Agent Cooper treats us to a bizarre swimming pool sex scene in which the combatants look like they're trying to kill each other.

  • Body of Evidence
    Everyone involved has tried very hard to make this the most un-erotic film ever made, and for that they should be applauded. Willem Dafoe looks embarrassed that he's gone from playing Christ to bully-ramming Madonna on the dining room floor in a few short years, and Madge herself delivers a performance so impossibly bad it's a work of Brechtian genius.

Any other suggestions? Let us know...


FIGHT SITES

  • This year, the big Hollywood fight movie will be Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - see here:
    http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/charliesangelsfullthrottle/

  • Ah, no but seriously, the real 2003 Hollywood fight movie is Tarantino's Kill Bill.
    http://www.kill-bill.com
    Which looks inscrutable and pretentious so far, but you never know, it might be all right. Lots of swordplay, anyway.

  • What are you going to do when you meet your match? That's right, scream like a big girl! Or you could use the Wilhelm Scream - see here:
    http://www.hollywoodlostandfound.net/wilhelm.html
    It's a sound heard in loads of films, from Star Wars to Reservoir Dogs and beyond. Listen out for it.

  • And so, the battle lost, you slink off into obscurity (it's getting quite defeatist this, isn't it?). But no more! Here's the Whatever Happened To Site:
    http://www.weht.net
    Now you can be tracked by those who remember your moment in the limelight. But it doesn't have Ike Eisenmann, so we can't recommend it, to be honest.


ARTICLES

As a member you can send your own articles for inclusion on the site. These can be on any cult movie related subject - although you might like to email me before embarking on a massive project which is then deemed unsuitable. On the whole though, if you think it might interest other readers it's good enough for us.


COMPETITION WINNERS

Congratulations to the lucky five people below... they were pulled from the hat in our April Competition. Thanks to all those who entered (about 400).

Bichunmoo winners:
M Norton (Warwickshire)
J Reade (Manchester)
P Sutton (Doncaster)

Shoalin Kung Fu winners:
T Davies (Northampton)
M Dixon (Norwich)

If you didn't win that compo, maybe this one will prove more fruitful. The lucky four people below were pulled from the hat in our June Competition. Thanks to all those who entered and don't forget if you weren't a winner this time, have a go at our new competition. (By the way - if you're a winner below please bear with me as I'm still awaiting the prizes from the PR company).

X - The Unknown winners:
E Hutchinson (North Yorkshire)
P Marsden (North Devon)

Abominable Snowman winners:
H Propet (Dundee)
L Rogers (Swansea)

REST IN PEACE

American actress Karen Morley appeared in many 1930s and 40s films, notably Arsene Lupin, Scarface, Mask of Fu Manchu, Dinner at Eight, Black Fury and Pride and Prejudice. Her left wing politics meant she was blacklisted in the late 1940s, although she appeared in the 1951 remake of M. She died aged 93 in April.

British composer and arranger Johnny Douglas worked in film, television and radio, including scores for Crack in the World, Circus of Fear and the all time classic The Railway Children. He died age 82 in April.

Peter Stone was a screenwriter, from television, who wrote Charade, Father Goose, Sweet Charity, The Taking of Pelham 123 and Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? He died aged 73 in May.

Actor Robert Stack found fame as Elliot Ness in the Untouchables TV series, and his films included To Be Or Not To Be, House of Bamboo, Written on the Wind, The Tarnished Angels, The Last Voyage, 1941 and Airplane! His voice can be heard in Transformers: The Movie and Beavis and Butthead Do America. He died aged 84 in May.

Dame Wendy Hiller was a stage and screen actress who appeared in Pygmalion, Major Barbara, I Know Where I'm Going, Outcast of the Islands, Sons and Lovers, Murder on the Orient Express and The Elephant Man. She died aged 90 in May.

Actress Rachel Kempson was best known for being the wife of Michael Redgrave and the mother of Vanessa, Lynn and Corin Redgrave. She appeared in Tom Jones, Curse of the Fly, The Jokers, The Virgin Soldiers and Out of Africa, and died aged 92 in May.

Actress Martha Scott died aged 90 in June. Among her films were Our Town, The Desperate Hours, The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur and Airport 1975.

Stage and screen actor Philip Stone died aged 79 in June. He had character roles in many films, including Carry On Loving, A Clockwork Orange, O Lucky Man!, Carry On at Your Convenience, Barry Lyndon, The Medusa Touch, The Shining, Flash Gordon, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and The Baby of Macon.

Gregory Peck, one of the most durable of the classic Hollywood film stars, died in June aged 87. In a long career his personal integrity showed in many of his performances, which included Duel in the Sun, Twelve O'Clock High, Hitchcock's Spellbound, The Gunfighter, Roman Holiday, Moby Dick, The Big Country, On the Beach, Cape Fear (both versions), The Guns of Navarone, To Kill A Mockingbird (for which he won an Oscar), The Omen and The Boys From Brazil.

Distinguished stage actor William Marshall died in June aged 78. He will be best remembered on film in the title role of Blacula and its sequel. He also appeared in Abby and an episode of Star Trek.

Stage and screen actor Hume Cronyn died aged 91 in June. His many film appearances included Shadow of a Doubt, Lifeboat, The Postman Always Rings Twice, Brute Force (as the sadistic prison warden), People Will Talk, Cleopatra, There Was a Crooked Man, The Parallax View, Honky Tonk Freeway, The World According To Garp and Coccoon. His second wife was Jessica Tandy.

George Axelrod wrote the plays The Seven Year Itch and Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter, which were both filmed. He went on to write screenplays for Bus Stop, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Manchurian Candidate, Lord Love a Duck and others. He died aged 81 in June.


NEW REVIEWS

New reviews on the site include:

Law and Disorder
Mantis In Lace
The Psychic
Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
Wrestling Women vs The Aztec Mummy
Kill, Baby... Kill!
They Call Me Trinity
Can't Stop the Music
I Drink Your Blood
Beginning of the End
Dawn of the Dead
Foxy Brown
Vampyres
Transformers: The Movie
Ichi the Killer
When Harry Met Sally
Cruising
Feast of Flesh
Black Sunday
Stardust
I'll Never Forget What's'isname
Thunder Road
Whatever
Before I Hang
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Wild Angels
Frailty
Rabid
La Nuit Americaine
They Live


WE'RE ALL WINNERS

Well, we're out for the count after all that physical exertion, but we'll be back for the rematch, don't you worry. In the meantime, contact us with any newsletter stuff via the news-box on The Spinning Image Site.

 

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