FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Did you spill our collective pint? Welcome to
the ninth newsletter from The Spinning Image, and we're fighting fit.
There's an aggressive side to the newsletter this time, as you'll see.
But first, the let's get the business out of the way...
- News Pages
The homepage has updated film news with relevant links. Only the 10
most recent are displayed, but all news items are held in the archive
for reference. Don't forget you can also send in your own news items
via the Newsletter
There's a 10 star rating system on all reviews on the site. If you'd
like to give a rating to a film you've seen then just scroll to the
bottom of the review - select your score and click 'Rate Film' to see
how your rating affects the films overall score.
All reviews can accept your comments. If you want to add a snippet of
info to a film, trivia, comment on the review or anything relevant then
feel free. The reviewer will be informed of your comment and so may
reply with additional comments. Consider comments as a forum of the
film you're posting them to.
To use any of the above features you must be a member (and you are
aren't you?!) and you must be logged in! Members also get told about
competitions in advance... maybe we should make competitions a members
only feature - what do you reckon? I know, I know, you've got to be
a member already to enter. But what if the competitions were hidden
from Joe Public and only logged in members got to see them? A little
thank you for using the site? Opinions please.
LET BATTLE COMMENCE
Naturally, we abhor violence here at the Spinning Image. And yet, we
can't help returning to that age old problem - who would win in a fight
between one movie and another? The Japanese sorted out the King Kong vs
Godzilla puzzle, but what about these...?
- Millennium Falcon vs Starship
The Enterprise wins on firepower with all those phasers and photon torpedoes,
and they both break down a lot, but the Falcon has never blown up, and
the Enterprise makes a habit of being destroyed. So let's give it to
- Foxy Brown vs Cleopatra Jones
Well, seeing as how Cleopatra's kung fu leaves a lot to be desired,
and seeing as how Foxy Brown is PAM GRIER I don't think this
would be much of a tussle. Coffy, Friday Foster and Sheba Baby could
beat Cleo too.
- HAL 9000 vs Joshua
2001 supercomputer vs WarGames
supercomputer - a tough decision. I tend
to think that the wily HAL could outwit Joshua, especially as Joshua
wouldn't use his nuclear arsenal anyway.
- Leatherface vs The Blob
Yes, it would be a fight to remember, but here I think we would see
Leatherface getting a taste of his own medicine, and being eaten himself
- no, that blade wouldn't help him against the sticky red stuff.
- Santa Claus vs Aliens
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians? Let's see how the beaming, bearded
bastard conquers the unstoppable killing machines from outer space.
I think it's safe to say that Christmas is cancelled this year.
- The Thing With Two Heads vs The
Incredible Two-Headed Transplant
Dicephalous brawling would be the order of the day, but the combatants
would probably be too busy fighting themselves to do much damage to
each other. Four heads are not necessarily better than one.
- Transformers vs The Care
Care Bears. All lovey dovey. Transformers. All violent to a fault. Could
the Care Bears message of peace and love win over the rampaging robots?
No! Machine wins!
- Josie and the Pussycats vs
Both fictional groups, but how would the girlie popsters fare against
the Almost Famous rockers in a battle of the bands? I'm guessing Stillwater
could beat them in the volume stakes, but infighting might scupper them
where the girls stick together through thick and thin. And they have
hypnotic messages, too. The Pussycats win!
- Cannibal Holocaust's natives vs Alferd Packer's party
When two tribes go to war, who could eat the most? It would be a bloody
contest to be sure, and maybe the cannibal natives would win by sheer
numbers, but Alferd's party could show them a thing or two about song
and dance numbers. Call it a draw!
- Marilyn Chambers vs Jenna Jameson
Not sure how this fight would be. A catfight? A sensuous lady girl-on-girl
action competition? Anyway, Marilyn would win because she has that Rabid
thing under her arm. Go Marilyn!
- Yoda vs Kermit
Yoda might have it where the light saber duelling counts, but Kermit
has it where the back-up counts - he has loads of friends, among them
Miss Piggy who would ensure Yoda would be flung over the nearest roof
with a "Hiii-yah!" Kermit wins by default.
That's quite enough of that - how undignified! But if you have any other
suggestions, let us know...
Here's Ben Howard with a bunch of films he knows he shouldn't like, but
can't help himself...
- Crimes Of Passion
How can you not love a film that combines Rick Wakeman's synth-tastic
score with a razor sharp, silver dildo wielding Anthony Perkins.
The greatest facial hair movie of them all (and yes I'm including Gettysburg).
Max Von Sydow, Jurgen Prochnow, and Dean Stockwell all sporting ridiculous
face furniture. Oh, and a ginger Sting.
Camp as Xmas actioner with Arnie as a Boy George loving ex-commando
who wants to rumble with his former "friend", a butch Freddy
Mercury look alike. "I eat Green Berets for breakfast" indeed.
- Body Double
Craig Wasson tussles with a half naked Melanie Griffith and grooves
to Frankie Goes To Hollywood in De Palma's ludicrous but fun "homage"
to Rear Window.
Al Pacino teams up with Sid Owen (aka Ricky Butcher) to take on the
evil English invaders, while shouting. The completely incomprehensible
script is complemented by Donald Sutherland delivering the worst Scottish
accent in cinema history.
- Mission To Mars
Another De Palma rip off, I mean "homage", this time to 2001.
Don Cheadle grows natty dreadlocks, Tim Robbins and co perform a conga
line while space-walking, and bad CG aliens cry when they see humanity
destroying itself ? Moving in so many ways.
- Devil's Advocate
Pacino shouts again (a lot) as Lucifer himself. Keanu looks confused
as his wife turns into a gibbering wreck, Taylor Hackford laughs behind
the camera in disbelief that the studio stumped up the cash for this.
Impossible to dislike strip-drama from the king of big budget sleaze,
Paul Verhoven. Elizabeth Berkley mistakes sulking as acting and Agent
Cooper treats us to a bizarre swimming pool sex scene in which the combatants
look like they're trying to kill each other.
- Body of Evidence
Everyone involved has tried very hard to make this the most un-erotic
film ever made, and for that they should be applauded. Willem Dafoe
looks embarrassed that he's gone from playing Christ to bully-ramming
Madonna on the dining room floor in a few short years, and Madge herself
delivers a performance so impossibly bad it's a work of Brechtian genius.
Any other suggestions? Let us know...
- This year, the big Hollywood fight movie will be Charlie's Angels:
Full Throttle - see here:
- Ah, no but seriously, the real 2003 Hollywood fight movie is Tarantino's
Which looks inscrutable and pretentious so far, but you never know,
it might be all right. Lots of swordplay, anyway.
- What are you going to do when you meet your match? That's right, scream
like a big girl! Or you could use the Wilhelm Scream - see here:
It's a sound heard in loads of films, from Star Wars to Reservoir
Dogs and beyond. Listen out for it.
- And so, the battle lost, you slink off into obscurity (it's getting
quite defeatist this, isn't it?). But no more! Here's the Whatever Happened
Now you can be tracked by those who remember your moment in the limelight.
But it doesn't have Ike Eisenmann, so we can't recommend it, to be honest.
As a member you can send your own articles for inclusion on the site.
These can be on any cult movie related subject - although you might like
to email me before embarking on a massive project which is then deemed
unsuitable. On the whole though, if you think it might interest other
readers it's good enough for us.
Congratulations to the lucky five people below... they were pulled from
the hat in our April Competition. Thanks to all those who entered (about
M Norton (Warwickshire)
J Reade (Manchester)
P Sutton (Doncaster)
Shoalin Kung Fu winners:
T Davies (Northampton)
M Dixon (Norwich)
If you didn't win that compo, maybe this one will prove more fruitful.
The lucky four people below were pulled from the hat in our June Competition.
Thanks to all those who entered and don't forget if you weren't a winner
this time, have a go at our new competition. (By the way - if you're a
winner below please bear with me as I'm still awaiting the prizes from
the PR company).
X - The Unknown winners:
E Hutchinson (North Yorkshire)
P Marsden (North Devon)
Abominable Snowman winners:
H Propet (Dundee)
L Rogers (Swansea)
REST IN PEACE
American actress Karen Morley appeared in many 1930s and 40s films, notably
Arsene Lupin, Scarface, Mask of Fu Manchu, Dinner
at Eight, Black Fury and Pride and Prejudice. Her left
wing politics meant she was blacklisted in the late 1940s, although she
appeared in the 1951 remake of M. She died aged 93 in April.
British composer and arranger Johnny Douglas worked in film, television
and radio, including scores for Crack in the World, Circus of
Fear and the all time classic The Railway Children. He died
age 82 in April.
Peter Stone was a screenwriter, from television, who wrote Charade,
Father Goose, Sweet Charity, The Taking of Pelham 123
and Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? He died aged 73 in
Actor Robert Stack found fame as Elliot Ness in the Untouchables
TV series, and his films included To Be Or Not To Be, House
of Bamboo, Written on the Wind, The Tarnished Angels,
The Last Voyage, 1941 and
Airplane! His voice can
be heard in Transformers: The Movie
and Beavis and Butthead
Do America. He died aged 84 in May.
Dame Wendy Hiller was a stage and screen actress who appeared in Pygmalion,
Major Barbara, I Know Where I'm Going, Outcast of the
Islands, Sons and Lovers, Murder on the Orient Express
and The Elephant Man. She died aged 90 in May.
Actress Rachel Kempson was best known for being the wife of Michael Redgrave
and the mother of Vanessa, Lynn and Corin Redgrave. She appeared in Tom
Jones, Curse of the Fly, The Jokers, The Virgin Soldiers
and Out of Africa, and died aged 92 in May.
Actress Martha Scott died aged 90 in June. Among her films were Our
Town, The Desperate Hours, The Ten Commandments, Ben
Hur and Airport 1975.
Stage and screen actor Philip Stone died aged 79 in June. He had character
roles in many films, including Carry On Loving, A Clockwork
Orange, O Lucky Man!, Carry On at Your Convenience,
Barry Lyndon, The Medusa Touch, The Shining, Flash
Gordon, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and The Baby
Gregory Peck, one of the most durable of the classic Hollywood film stars,
died in June aged 87. In a long career his personal integrity showed in
many of his performances, which included Duel
in the Sun, Twelve
O'Clock High, Hitchcock's Spellbound, The Gunfighter,
Roman Holiday, Moby Dick, The Big Country, On
the Beach, Cape Fear (both versions), The Guns of Navarone,
To Kill A Mockingbird (for which he
won an Oscar), The Omen
and The Boys From Brazil.
Distinguished stage actor William Marshall died in June aged 78. He will
be best remembered on film in the title role of Blacula and its
sequel. He also appeared in Abby and an episode of Star Trek.
Stage and screen actor Hume Cronyn died aged 91 in June. His many film
appearances included Shadow of a Doubt, Lifeboat, The
Postman Always Rings Twice, Brute Force (as the sadistic prison
warden), People Will Talk, Cleopatra, There Was a Crooked
Man, The Parallax View, Honky Tonk Freeway, The World
According To Garp and Coccoon. His second wife was Jessica
George Axelrod wrote the plays The Seven Year Itch and Will
Success Spoil Rock Hunter, which were both filmed. He went on to write
screenplays for Bus Stop, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The
Manchurian Candidate, Lord Love a Duck and others. He died
aged 81 in June.
New reviews on the site include:
Law and Disorder
Mantis In Lace
Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
Wrestling Women vs The Aztec Mummy
Kill, Baby... Kill!
They Call Me Trinity
Can't Stop the Music
I Drink Your Blood
Beginning of the End
Dawn of the Dead
Transformers: The Movie
Ichi the Killer
When Harry Met Sally
Feast of Flesh
I'll Never Forget What's'isname
Before I Hang
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Wild Angels
La Nuit Americaine
WE'RE ALL WINNERS
Well, we're out for the count after all that physical exertion, but we'll
be back for the rematch, don't you worry. In the meantime, contact us
with any newsletter stuff via the news-box
on The Spinning Image Site.