HOME |  JOIN |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
The Freshman
Hear My Song
Hear My Song
Wild Wild West
Cure
Doraemon: Nobita and the Green Giant Legend
Locke the Superman
Psycho
Magic Flute, The
Top Secret
Ghost Punting
Hitman's Bodyguard, The
Touch, The
Akko's Secret
Backfire
Loving Vincent
Adventures of the Wilderness Family, The
Plot of Fear
Desperate Chase, The
Baskin
Time and Tide
X - Night of Vengeance
Bunny Drop
Acts of Vengeance
Asura: The City of Madness
In This Corner of the World
Dirty Pair: Project Eden
Pyewacket
Disaster Artist, The
God of Cookery, The
   
 
Newest Articles
Country and Irish - The secret history of Irish pop culture
Wash All This Scum Off the Streets: Vigilante Movies
Force the Issue: Star Wars' Tricky Middle Prequels and Sequels
Rediscovered: The Avengers - Tunnel of Fear on DVD
Sword Play: An Actor's Revenge vs Your Average Zatoichi Movie
Super Sleuths: The Rivals of Sherlock Holmes on DVD
Stop That, It's Silly: The Ends of Monty Python
They're All Messed Up: Night of the Living Dead vs Land of the Dead
The House, Black Magic and an Oily Maniac: 3 from 70s Weird Asia
80s Meet Cute: Something Wild vs Into the Night
Interview with The Unseen Director Gary Sinyor
Wrong Forgotten: Is Troll 2 Still a Thing?
Apocalypse 80s UK: Threads and When the Wind Blows
Movie Flop to Triumphant TV Revival: Twin Peaks and The League of Gentlemen
Driving Force: The Golden Age of American Car Chases
   
 
  Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Ho Ho HopelessBuy this film here.
Year: 1964
Director: Nicholas Webster
Stars: John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Bill McCutcheon, Chris Month, Pia Zadora
Genre: Comedy, Trash, Science Fiction, Fantasy
Rating:  1 (from 2 votes)
Review: Christmas is fast approaching, and Santa Claus (John Call) is hard at work in his North Pole home, making toys for all the children of Earth. But the children of Mars are depressed, spending all day watching Earth television programmes, so the Martians decide to cheer them up by kidnapping Santa and taking him back to their planet...

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was written by Paul L. Jacobson and Glenville Mareth and is generally regarded as one of the worst science fiction films, indeed the worst film of any kind, ever made. But in fact it's sorely underrated - the film is fantastic entertainment. No, but seriously, it's cheap and cheerless, sickening and treacly throughout, entirely deserving its damning reputation.

It uses cardboard sets and much stock footage in the manner of a fifties sci-fi B-movie, and the special effects would shame a serial of the thirties - it's difficult to believe it was made in the mid-sixties. Such menaces as the robot and the polar bear are embarrassing to witness, and the elves in Santa's grotto look like a cross between garden gnomes and Fidel Castro.

Santa himself has a manner verging on that of a used car salesman, and a habit of breaking into maniacal laughter that becomes frankly disturbing. As the action drags on, you find yourself sympathising with the evil, heavily moustached Voldar, who piles derision on the notion of Martians having anything to do with the festive season and quite reasonably attempts to eject Santa into space.

Not even the least demanding children could find anything to laugh at here, all the jokes are piss poor ("Martianmallows!"), the best one being the rocket scientist named Wernher Von Green. Green - Braun - did you see what they did there? Christ. Speaking of whom, there is a noticeable lack of religion in this Yuletide. You'd think that with all those green men hanging around maybe even paganism would get a look in, but no, this is about the true spirit of Christmas - getting presents.

This film might be notable as the first to star a little (well, even smaller) Pia Zadora as a Martian girl - yes, that's the best you can say about this cinematic atrocity. Don't miss it. And then watch War of the Worlds as an antidote. Music by Milton Delugg, including the tone deaf theme song, "Hooray for Santy Claus".
Reviewer: Graeme Clark

 

This review has been viewed 4490 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 

Nicholas Webster  (1922 - )

American director who worked mostly in TV during the 60s and 70s, on such shows as Bonanza, Get Smart! and The Waltons. His best film is probably Gone Are The Days! (1963), starring Ossie Davis and a young Alan Alda, while Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964) remains something of a bad-film classic.

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which film has the best theme song?
Spectre
The Ups and Downs of a Handyman
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
George White
Darren Jones
  Butch Elliot
Andrew Pragasam
Enoch Sneed
  Mark Scampion
  Frank Michaels
   

 

Last Updated: