HOME |  JOIN |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
Down a Dark Hall
Mixed Blood
4D Special Agents
Helldriver
One Hour to Zero
Battle of Billy's Pond, The
Terror in Beverly Hills
Zoo Robbery, The
Anoop and the Elephant
Adrift
Never a Dull Moment
McQueen
Ugly Duckling, The
Apostle
Distant Voices, Still Lives
Hereditary
Cup Fever
Peril for the Guy
3 Days in Quiberon
Club, The
Best F(r)iends: Volume 1
Pili
Suspect, The
Baxter!
Dead Night
Thoroughbreds
Ghost and the Darkness, The
Strike Commando
Molly
Full Alert
   
 
Newest Articles
You Know, For Kids: Children's Film Foundation Bumper Box
If He Were a Carpenter and It Was the 80s: The Fog, Prince of Darkness and They Live
Tee-Hee, It's 80s Sci-Fi Horror: Night of the Comet, The Stuff and Night of the Creeps
Chance of a Ghost: The Uninvited and The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
3 Simian Slashers: Phenomena, Link and Monkey Shines
When is a Jackie Chan Movie Not a Jackie Chan Movie? Armour of God and City Hunter
Anytime Anywhere: The Complete Goodies at the BBC Episode Guide Part 2
Anytime Anywhere: The Complete Goodies at the BBC Episode Guide Part 1
I-Spy Scotland: The Thirty Nine Steps and Eye of the Needle
Manor On Movies--Black Shampoo--three three three films in one
Manor On Movies--Invasion USA
Time Trap: Last Year in Marienbad and La Jetée
Gaining Three Stone: Salvador, Natural Born Killers and Savages
Right Said Bernard: Cribbins on DVD
1969: The Year Westerns Couldn't Get Past
   
 
  Bone Snatcher, The Buy this film here.
Year: 2003
Director: Jason Wulfsohn
Stars: Scott Bairstow, Rachel Shelley, Warrick Grier, Patrick Shai, Andre Weideman, Adrienne Pierce, Patrick Lyster, Brian Claxton Payne
Genre: Horror, Trash
Rating:  4 (from 1 vote)
Review: When a bunch of Aliens’ and Predator’s stereotypes (the nerdy, softarsed one, the sexy-as-hell butch chick, the violently crazy one, the philosophical black guy etc) have gotten jobs as diamond prospectors, whilst they're at it encountering a shape-shifting mass of CGI ants that needs to steal people’s skeletons so it can get up and walk about. For some reason. You see, I don’t have a ruddy clue about the whys and wherefores of The Bone Snatcher. Being as most of the characters are Afrikaans, you need fucking subtitles to understand half the fucking words they say! Seriously, you may as well be watching a one man spoken word show by Klunk from Dastardly And Muttley for all the good it’ll do!

The bits and bats that do get through though aren’t gonna win The Bone Snatcher any awards, I can tell you. “What the hell is this place?” whispers namby-pamby systems analyst Zack to himself behind his horrid, bumfluff goatee… “I’ve never seen anything like it before,” ruminates the aggressive Carl, just in case you needed to be told. Along with butch-girl Mikki, there’s three totally incompatible characters stuck together in the desert, stuck together in a movie you’ve seen a thousand times before.

The monster isn’t too bad. It’s sort of horrible and black and movey-abouty, stripping peoples bones and then making them walk around, exploding in a burst of pixels every time it gets shot. It sees in a sort-of “pink-vision” – through rose tinted spectacles perhaps? Whatever, it’s no match for Predator’s kaleidoscopic acid-vision. The only way you can stop this unstoppable monster is by pouring petrol on the floor. And then not lighting it. Again for some reason that moi just can’t figure out. I don’t like being a spoilsport, but I could’ve saved us all a lot of trouble by simply using the time-honoured, most effective method of killing ants; pulling all their legs off and watching them bake in the sun. A billion kids can’t be wrong.

I’ll be the first to admit that I do like generic movies. The more generic, the better. But not if they’re generically shit. Not that The Bone Snatcher is shit shit, but there’s enough shit here to drown any amount of excitement that may be brewing within you. I’ve seen this stuff loads of times before, and I bet you have more than me. When the action hots up then it can be quite exciting, but there aren’t enough random explosions, stunts and pointless gun-firing to fill up the way-too-short action scenes. Gore is limited. Sex – non-existent. The desert location is fantastic, I must admit – sometimes it looks absolutely gorgeous – a large expanse of nothingness is the best thing about this movie.

There’s a twist ending too. I’d love to spoil it for you, but I can’t. Because I don’t understand it.

Aka: Sandmother
Reviewer: Wayne Southworth

 

This review has been viewed 12853 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Who's the best?
Steven Seagal
Pam Grier
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
Darren Jones
Alexander Taylor
Paul Shrimpton
Andrew Pragasam
Stately Wayne Manor
  Patrick Keenan
Enoch Sneed
   

 

Last Updated: