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  Carry On England Bring On Columbus!
Year: 1976
Director: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Kenneth Connor, Windsor Davies, Joan Sims, Patrick Mower, Judy Geeson, Jack Douglas, Peter Butterworth, Peter Jones, Diane Langton, Melvyn Hayes
Genre: Comedy, WarBuy from Amazon
Rating:  1 (from 5 votes)
Review: Ladies, Gentlemen, and Children, welcome to - officially - the worst Carry On movie of them all.....

Picture the scene: it's 1940, and Britain is at war with the nasty Hun. Keeping the Luftwaffe at bay are the brave flying boys of the RAF, ably supported by our Air Defence battalions.... well, all but one. One of the bases along ths South coast is an experimental, mixed-sex battalion. And it's the mixing of the sexes that causes all the problems - until High Command decide on a new way of dealing with them - sheer incompetence. They pick the worst commanding officer in the RAF, and send him on down to sort things out.......

We learn a few things whilst watching this movie. We learn that Patrick Mower was never cut out for a comedic lead role. We learn that you can't just lift a couple of stars from 'It Aint Half Hot Mum' and expect them to work in a movie. We learn that actresses with their tits out doesn't always raise even a laugh, let alone anything else. And we learn that, sadly, the great days of Carry On had passed.

Kenneth Connor, Joan Sims and Jack Douglas should really have known better, although Peter Butterworth is funny in what little screen time he has. The others, Patrick Mower and Judy Geeson especially, should really hang their heads in shame (although Patrick Mower says he's proud to be in the movie, as it's part of the heritage of British Cinema, and by association so is he.)

I can really sum the movie up, however, by repeating what I feel is the best line in the movie. It's in the opening credits, and goes as follows: "We would like to thank The Imperial War Museum for the loan of the gun."

It's a no-star, one-gag, one-gun movie. And the Gun is funnier than the joke. Not the way I'd want the series to go out.
Reviewer: Paul Shrimpton

 

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Gerald Thomas  (1920 - 1993)

British director responsible for every film in the Carry On series. Started as an assistant editor before debuting with the childrens' film Circus Friends. Thriller Timelock followed, but the success of 1958’s bawdy Carry On Sergeant launched one of the most successful series in British cinema. Thomas directed 30 Carry On films up until 1978’s Carry On Emmannuelle, returning in 1992 to deliver his final film, Carry On Columbus. Other films include the Carry On-esque Nurse on Wheels and The Big Job, plus the big screen version of Bless this House.

 
Review Comments (2)
Posted by:
Graeme Clark
Date:
3 May 2004
  C.O. England is rotten, but at least it has a story, unlike C.O. Emanuelle, which gets my vote as worst. I don't think Columbus really counts!
       
Posted by:
Tom Raymond
Date:
20 Feb 2007
  Diane Langton was cute in her small role, and the part where she tries to aim the anti-aircraft gun (but her breasts get in the way) is amusing in a childish, really shit, giggling at the back of the classroom way...but apart from that, yes, definitely the very worst Carry On film. And Columbus most certainly DOESN'T count!
       


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