HOME |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
 
Newest Reviews
Undergods
Betrayed
Fried Barry
Once Upon a River
Cowboys
Atlantis
We Still Say Grace
Enfant Terrible
Nomadland
Playboy of the Western World, The
Bike Thief, The
Threshold
Virtuoso, The
Here are the Young Men
Beast Beast
Labyrinth of Cinema
Justice Society: World War II
Artist's Wife, The
Truman & Tennessee: An Intimate Conversation
Pusher III
Palm Springs
Devil Commands, The
Oak Room, The
Pusher II
Forget Everything and Run
Secrets & Lies
Red Moon Tide
Man with Nine Lives, The
Pusher
Pot Carriers, The
Black Bear
Don't Cry, Pretty Girls!
Portal
Me You Madness
Reckoning, The
Laddie: The Man Behind the Movies
For the Sake of Vicious
Hell Bent
Straight Shooting
Jules Verne's Rocket to the Moon
   
 
Newest Articles
Before The Matrix, There was Johnny Mnemonic: on Digital
More Than Mad Science: Karloff at Columbia on Blu-ray
Indian Summer: The Darjeeling Limited on Blu-ray
3 from 1950s Hollyweird: Dr. T, Mankind and Plan 9
Meiko Kaji's Girl Gangs: Stray Cat Rock on Arrow
Having a Wild Weekend: Catch Us If You Can on Blu-ray
The Drifters: Star Lucie Bourdeu Interview
Meiko Kaji Behind Bars: Female Prisoner Scorpion on Arrow
The Horror of the Soviets: Viy on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Tarka the Otter and The Belstone Fox
Network Double Bills: All Night Long and Ballad in Blue
Chew Him Up and Spit Him Out: Romeo is Bleeding on Blu-ray
British Body Snatchers: They Came from Beyond Space on Blu-ray
Bzzzt: Pulse on Blu-ray
The Tombs Will Be Their Cities: Demons and Demons 2 on Arrow
Somebody Killed Her Husband: Charade on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Maroc 7 and Invasion
Network Double Bills: The Best of Benny Hill and The Likely Lads
Network Double Bills: Some Girls Do and Deadlier Than the Male
Absolutely Bananas: Link on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Hawk the Slayer and The Medusa Touch
The Price of Plague: The Masque of the Red Death on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Seance on a Wet Afternoon and Ring of Spies
Chaney Chillers: Inner Sanctum Mysteries - The Complete Film Series on Blu-ray
Adelphi Extras: Stars in Your Eyes on Blu-ray
   
 
  Vampira Blaculass?
Year: 1974
Director: Clive Donner
Stars: David Niven, Teresa Graves, Peter Bayliss, Jennie Linden, Nicky Henson, Linda Hayden, Bernard Bresslaw, Cathie Shirriff, Andrea Allan, Veronica Carlson, Minah Bird, Christopher Sandford, Freddie Jones, Frank Thornton, Aimi MacDonald, Patrick Newell
Genre: Horror, ComedyBuy from Amazon
Rating:  4 (from 1 vote)
Review: Count Dracula (David Niven) has found an easy way to lure visitors to his Transylvanian castle, and that's to open it up to the public as a tourist attraction. This means he gets a steady stream of victims, which is not only good for his diet, but also helps in his research: he is trying to bring his undead bride Vampira back to life, or as close to life as a vampire can get, but he needs the correct type of red stuff to do so, though in spite of the amount of sightseers he has attracted, nobody has fit the bill. There's always something to go wrong, as today when his secretary Helga (Linda Hayden) threatens to leave...

Although Hayden may have wondered why she bothered to show up considering how little screen time she had, appearing not in a co-star capacity, and more of an extended cameo. That said, it appeared to be the purpose of this film to pack as many attractive actresses into the project as possible, and she was just one on that production line of dolly birds who passed before director Clive Donner's camera. Donner had presumably been hired thanks to his work on What's New Pussycat?, which took a similar stance to its female performers, but even though that was no classic, it was still a lot wittier than anything screenwriter Jeremy Lloyd conjured up for this.

Lloyd was best known for penning sitcom Are You Being Served? with David Croft, but that had a far better laugh rate per half hour than this whole movie had in ninety minutes or so, the innuendo not being empahsised when the idea was to be as painfully hip as possible. And the method of doing so? Make Dracula's bride black, which the producers apparently thought would offer them a kind of blaxploitation cool missing from all those Hammer Draculas (one look at their Dracula A.D. 1972 would give you an idea of what to expect, and that wasn't supposed to be a comedy). This racial mix-up occurs when a collection of Playboy Bunnies come round to stay, and one of those is a black woman, Rose, played by Minah Bird (which was her real name).

The infusion of such fluid into the inert, white body of Vampira turns her into Graves, best known for the cop show Get Christie Love! who approached this nonsense with better humour than it really deserved, but making for a truly weird pairing with Niven, who at this age deserved the American title of this, Old Dracula, a cash-in on Young Frankenstein. He did his best as well, but with a tone wavering between lame gags and an attempt to dress it up with modernised (for 1974) horror conventions this wasn't going to satisfy anyone much in its day. Fast forward to the twenty-first century, on the other hand, and it offered the kind of time capsule that could have only come from something to desperately trying to be hip and happening (for example Graves attends a screening of Black Gunn to learn to speak jive).

Dracula, once he's seen what the accidental combination of Rose's blood and the magical qualities of the blood of her fellow Bunny Ritva (Hammer fixture Veronica Carlson) has done to the love of his, er, death, decides to head over to London to track down the models and see which one of them was repsonsible for this mix-up. As he cannot go out after dawn, this is an excuse for lots of London nightlife as envisaged through parties and whatnot as if determined to prove that the capital is still swinging as much as it ever did, so naturally Niven looks out of place no matter what his star power might have been. Writer Nicky Henson is hypnotised into taking blood samples from his lady friends, often through a surely unscientific special pair of fake fangs, with the result that strains for farce, but drops like the proverbial lead balloon. Yet if you had a hankering for the entertainment of this decade, nostalgia could take over for the sort of movie they didn't make anymore - especially that twist ending. Music by David Whitaker.
Reviewer: Graeme Clark

 

This review has been viewed 2234 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which star probably has psychic powers?
Laurence Fishburne
Nicolas Cage
Anya Taylor-Joy
Patrick Stewart
Sissy Spacek
Michelle Yeoh
Aubrey Plaza
Tom Cruise
Beatrice Dalle
Michael Ironside
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
  Desbris M
Andrew Pragasam
Darren Jones
Enoch Sneed
  Paul Tuersley
  Chris Garbutt
  Sdfadf Rtfgsdf
   

 

Last Updated: