HOME |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
Gretel and Hansel
Mademoiselle
Tunnel, The
India Song
Last Rhino, The
Made in Hong Kong
Ring of Spies
Rom Boys: 40 Years of Rad
Pocketful of Miracles
The Tomb: Devil's Revenge
Sidecar Racers
Space Dogs
Out/Marriage
Safety Last!
Bride Who Has Returned from Hell, The
Show Boat
Savage
City Called Dragon, A
I Used to Go Here
Six Suspects
Still the Water
Not Now, Comrade
I'm Thinking of Ending Things
Wives of the Skies
Two Heads Creek
Next Stop, Greenwich Village
Captain, The
Great Wall, A
Trout, The
Zorba the Greek
Horror Crowd, The
Matthias & Maxime
Bullet for the President, A
Constant Husband, The
Anbessa
Man in Grey, The
Harakiri
Way to the Stars, The
Man Who Skied Down Everest, The
Bottoms Up!
   
 
Newest Articles
To Catch a Thief: After the Fox on Blu-ray
Tackling the Football Film: The Arsenal Stadium Mystery on Blu-ray
Film Noir's Golden Couple: This Gun for Hire on Blu-ray
The Doctor Who Connection: Invasion on Blu-ray
Hill's Angles: Benny Hill and Who Done It? on Blu-ray
Big Willie Style: Keep It Up Downstairs on Blu-ray
Walt's Vault: 5 Cult Movies on Disney+
Paradise Lost: Walkabout on Blu-ray
Buster Makes Us Feel Good: Buster Keaton - 3 Films (Volume 3) on Blu-ray
Network On Air: Nights In with ABC 3 - Don't Go Away - I Could Do with a Bit of Cheer Now!
What Use is Grief to a Horse? Equus on Blu-ray
For God's Sake Strap Yourselves Down: Flash Gordon on 4K UHD Collector's Edition
Party Hard: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure on Blu-ray
Network On Air: Nights In with ABC 2 - Your Faces are All Blurred!
Eve Knew Her Apples: The Lady Eve on Blu-ray
Network On Air: Tempo - Gallery One
Network On Air: Nights In with ABC 1 - Welcome Once Again to Manchester!
Transformative Apocalypses: Phase IV and Southland Tales
The Happiest Days of Their Lives: The Guinea Pig on Blu-ray
Faced Poe: Three Edgar Allan Poe Adaptations Starring Bela Lugosi on Blu-ray
Hard Luck, Buster: The Cameraman on Blu-ray
At the Hop: Mr. Vampire on Blu-ray
Divine Madness: Female Trouble on Blu-ray
Country Matters: Further Out of Town on Blu-ray
Bat-Damn: Was Joel Schumacher's Batman Really That Bad?
   
 
  Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus On A Seafood Diet
Year: 2009
Director: Jack Perez
Stars: Deborah Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, Vic Chao, Sean Lawlor, Dean Kreyling, Stephen Blackehart, Dustin Harnish, Mark Hengst, Michael Teh, Jonathan Nation, Chris Haley, Dana DiMatteo, Dana Healey
Genre: Trash, Science FictionBuy from Amazon
Rating:  2 (from 1 vote)
Review: Marine biologist Emma MacNeil (Deborah Gibson) is investigating the sea life around the coast of Alaska, travelling through the water in her borrowed minisub and noting the behavour of the sharks and whales there. The helicopter pilot assisting her radios in that a huge block of ice has broken free of the shoreline, but she is unbothered, at least until the whales begin smashing into the ice, breaking it open and releasing two somethings that Emma does not quite catch sight of, in spite of them being absolutely enormous. These are the prehistoric Mega Shark and the Giant Octopus, and they are about to cause havoc...

Not least upon your attention span, as this is one of the most tedious straight to DVD movies ever made, apparently created by notorious, low budget cash-in merchants The Asylum as an attempt to exploit the infamy of the similarly poorly received Shark Attack 3: Megalodon rather than a big budget hit. As with the Shark Attack film, this effort gained considerable cachet for being a punchline to gags among movie buffs on the internet, but crucially this occured before anyone had seen it. After it was released, the word spread that this did not actually live up to the promise of its title as far as entertainment value went.

To truly provide the enjoyment sorely lacking here, perhaps the production should have been handed over to a Japanese crew, because the sight of the same few nanoseconds of a mega shark powering through the sea repeated over and over again is nothing compared to the fun that's possible with some men in rubber monster suits that Japan became renowned throughout the world for. Ah, the internet, we have so much faith in it so why does it let us down? Mega Yawn versus Giant Shitefest egregiously failed to supply the bouts of monster combat we so wanted, and indeed expected.

Instead, you're subjected to what feels like a million hours of deadening chit-chat, courtesy of eighties stars Lorenzo Lamas (playing a Navy officer intent on blowing up the creatures) and Debbie - sorry, Deborah Gibson whose star may have fallen since her heyday but surely she could have picked a better vehicle than this. Every so often something potentially adrenaline-pumping will occur, such as the highly unlikely instance of the shark jumping thousands of feet into the air to eat a plane, but this will be over with within a blink of the eye, thus returning the viewer to the stodgy dialogue.

It's not even snappy dialogue, and any camp appeal that the audience were hoping in their heart of hearts for is sabotaged by an approach from director Jack Perez which suggests he thought this was supposed to be taken utterly seriously. Deb and company go through all the clich├ęs of, no, not monster movies, but cheap science fiction television, as this feels more like the pilot for a monster of the week show, sort of an update of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, only with big creatures. And in the sea. The only genuinely scary aspect is the promise of a sequel which the movie ends on, not even the shark eating the Golden Gate Bridge (as seen for a couple of picoseconds) can match that prospect. Ready-made kitsch needs a lot more flair and imagination than this to be successful. Music by Chris Ridenhour.

[Metrodome's Region 2 DVD has a making-of featurette, bloopers (not to be confused with the main film) and a trailer as extras.]
Reviewer: Graeme Clark

 

This review has been viewed 2283 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which star is the best at shouting?
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Brian Blessed
Tiffany Haddish
Steve Carell
Olivia Colman
Captain Caveman
Sylvester Stallone
Gerard Butler
Samuel L. Jackson
Bipasha Basu
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
Darren Jones
Paul Smith
Andrew Pragasam
  Lee Fiveash
  Mick Stewart
Enoch Sneed
  Dsfgsdfg Dsgdsgsdg
   

 

Last Updated: