HOME |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
 
Newest Reviews
We Summon the Darkness
Call Northside 777
Cup of Cheer
Lost at Christmas
Super Robot Mach Baron
Battle of Jangsari, The
Crock of Gold: A Few Rounds with Shane MacGowan
Safe Spaces
Stanford Prison Experiment, The
Assassination in Rome
Castle Freak
Pinocchio
Brother Bear
Raiders of Buddhist Kung Fu
County Lines
Polytechnique
We Have Always Lived in the Castle
Covert Action
Strangler's Web
Host
Nimic
House of Bamboo
Murder Me, Monster
Hell and High Water
Possessor
Flint
Miserables, Les
Ritz, The
Patrick
Cemetery
Girls of the Sun
Princess and the Goblin, The
Skyfire
Upright
Incredible Kung Fu Mission
Dirty Cops
You Cannot Kill David Arquette
Leap of Faith: William Friedkin on The Exorcist
Son's Room, The
Evil Hits Evil
   
 
Newest Articles
Newley Minted: The Strange World of Gurney Slade on Blu-ray
Bad Love: The Night Porter on Blu-ray
Brevity is the Soul of Weird: Short Sharp Shocks on Blu-ray
Get Your Ass to Mars: Total Recall on Blu-ray
Call the Professionals: Le Cercle Rouge on Blu-ray
When There's No More Room in Hell: Dawn of the Dead on Blu-ray
The Butterfly Effect: Mothra on Blu-ray
Living Room Theatre: Play for Today Volume 1 on Blu-ray
Didn't He Do Well: The Bruce Forsyth Show on DVD
Blood Wedding: The Bride with White Hair on Blu-ray
The Inhuman Element: The Ladykillers on 4K UHD
As You Like It, Baby: Breathless on Blu-ray
Stargazing: Light Entertainment Rarities on DVD
Down to the Welles: Orson Welles Great Mysteries Volume 2 on DVD
Herding Cats: Sleepwalkers on Blu-ray
Confessions of a Porn Star: Adult Material on DVD
They're Still Not Sure It is a Baby: Eraserhead on Blu-ray
Werewolves are Real: Dog Soldiers on Digital
Rose: A Love Story - Producers April Kelley and Sara Huxley Interview
Phone Phreak: 976-EVIL on Blu-ray
Living the Nightmare: Dementia on Blu-ray
Becky and The Devil to Pay: Ruckus and Lane Skye Interview
Big Top Bloodbath: Circus of Horrors on Blu-ray
A Knock on the Door at 4 O'clock in the Morning: The Strangers on Blu-ray
Wives of the Skies: Honey Lauren Interview
   
 
  Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Ho Ho Hopeless
Year: 1964
Director: Nicholas Webster
Stars: John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Bill McCutcheon, Chris Month, Pia Zadora
Genre: Comedy, Trash, Science Fiction, FantasyBuy from Amazon
Rating:  1 (from 2 votes)
Review: Christmas is fast approaching, and Santa Claus (John Call) is hard at work in his North Pole home, making toys for all the children of Earth. But the children of Mars are depressed, spending all day watching Earth television programmes, so the Martians decide to cheer them up by kidnapping Santa and taking him back to their planet...

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was written by Paul L. Jacobson and Glenville Mareth and is generally regarded as one of the worst science fiction films, indeed the worst film of any kind, ever made. But in fact it's sorely underrated - the film is fantastic entertainment. No, but seriously, it's cheap and cheerless, sickening and treacly throughout, entirely deserving its damning reputation.

It uses cardboard sets and much stock footage in the manner of a fifties sci-fi B-movie, and the special effects would shame a serial of the thirties - it's difficult to believe it was made in the mid-sixties. Such menaces as the robot and the polar bear are embarrassing to witness, and the elves in Santa's grotto look like a cross between garden gnomes and Fidel Castro.

Santa himself has a manner verging on that of a used car salesman, and a habit of breaking into maniacal laughter that becomes frankly disturbing. As the action drags on, you find yourself sympathising with the evil, heavily moustached Voldar, who piles derision on the notion of Martians having anything to do with the festive season and quite reasonably attempts to eject Santa into space.

Not even the least demanding children could find anything to laugh at here, all the jokes are piss poor ("Martianmallows!"), the best one being the rocket scientist named Wernher Von Green. Green - Braun - did you see what they did there? Christ. Speaking of whom, there is a noticeable lack of religion in this Yuletide. You'd think that with all those green men hanging around maybe even paganism would get a look in, but no, this is about the true spirit of Christmas - getting presents.

This film might be notable as the first to star a little (well, even smaller) Pia Zadora as a Martian girl - yes, that's the best you can say about this cinematic atrocity. Don't miss it. And then watch War of the Worlds as an antidote. Music by Milton Delugg, including the tone deaf theme song, "Hooray for Santy Claus".
Reviewer: Graeme Clark

 

This review has been viewed 5453 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 

Nicholas Webster  (1922 - )

American director who worked mostly in TV during the 60s and 70s, on such shows as Bonanza, Get Smart! and The Waltons. His best film is probably Gone Are The Days! (1963), starring Ossie Davis and a young Alan Alda, while Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964) remains something of a bad-film classic.

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which star is the best at shouting?
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Brian Blessed
Tiffany Haddish
Steve Carell
Olivia Colman
Captain Caveman
Sylvester Stallone
Gerard Butler
Samuel L. Jackson
Bipasha Basu
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
  Geraint Morgan
Graeme Clark
Andrew Pragasam
Enoch Sneed
Darren Jones
Paul Smith
  Lee Fiveash
  Mick Stewart
   

 

Last Updated: