HOME |  JOIN |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
Unseen, The
Tonight She Comes
Chasing the Dragon
Into the Forest
Limehouse Golem, The
Frankenstein '80
Good Time
Bucket of Blood, A
Detroit
Hide and Seek
What Happened to Monday
River Wild, The
Veteran
Slumber Party '57
Juliette, or Key of Dreams
Summertime Killer
Sweet Virginia
Ben & Arthur
Your Name
Red Hot Shot, The
New World
Trick Baby
Weapons of Death
Second Best Secret Agent in the Whole Wide World, The
Kills on Wheels
Strait-Jacket
This Man is Dangerous
Burning Paradise
Away
Mistress of the Apes
   
 
Newest Articles
Apocalypse 80s UK: Threads and When the Wind Blows
Movie Flop to Triumphant TV Revival: Twin Peaks and The League of Gentlemen
Driving Force: The Golden Age of American Car Chases
Madness in his Method: Jim Carrey and Andy Kaufman
Music, Love and Flowers: Monterey Pop on Blu-ray
The Melville Mood: His Final Two Films on The Melville Collection Blu-ray
Always Agnès: 3 from The Varda Collection Blu-ray
Re: Possession of Vehicles - Killer Cars, Trucks and a Vampire Motorcycle
The Whicker Kicker: Whicker's World Vols 5&6 on DVD
The Empress, the Mermaid and the Princess Bride: Three 80s Fantasy Movies
   
 
  Dead Cert Bleeding geezersBuy this film here.
Year: 2010
Director: Steven Lawson
Stars: Craig Fairbrass, Billy Murray, Dexter Fletcher, Lisa McAllister, Steven Berkoff, Perry Benson, Danny Midwinter, Roland Manookian, Victoria Broom, Janet Montgomery, Dave Legeno, Jason Flemyng, Andrew Tiernan, Lucinda Rhodes-Flaherty, Ian Virgo, Joe Egan
Genre: Horror, Action, Thriller
Rating:  5 (from 1 vote)
Review: Fight promoter Freddy ‘Dead Cert’ Frankham (Craig Fairbrass) organizes underground tournaments but with his wife Jen (Lisa McAllister) anxious to get pregnant, he branches into a seemingly safer venture by opening a lap dancing club called ‘Paradise’ aided by his criminal brother-in-law Eddie Christian (Dexter Fletcher). Amidst loud techno and sexily gyrating strippers, few notice a serial killer is prowling their district. Meanwhile, Eddie wants to get in on a new street drug called ‘Bliss’ being offered by Romanian crime boss Dante Livenko (Billy Murray), who has designs on Freddy’s club. Livenko offers £2 million if Freddy’s prize fighter/younger brother-in-law Danny Christian (Danny Midwinter) can beat his hulking champion in the ring, or else hand over the club. Hitherto unbeaten Danny is beaten to a pulp then bitten in the neck. That’s right, Livenko and company are vampires! Once they’ve drenched the club in hellish red lighting, they promptly vampirize all the strippers gaining the perfect means to lure an unending food supply.

Co-writer/director Steven Lawson evidently reckons British gangster flicks and vampire movies are the cinematic equivalent of peanut butter and chocolate: two great tastes that taste great together. One thing the worst examples of both genres share in common is an over-reliance on cocky posturing and strained attempts at cool. Despite suffering from the usual blokey banter and tedious profanity, Dead Cert is not a dead loss. Lawson clearly knows how to handle a camera even though confused editing renders some plot points incoherent. A solid cast (half of whom are listed as co-producers, making this a likeably collaborative effort) inhabit their stock characters capably enough, with cameos from Brit flick mainstays Jason Flemyng and Danny Dyer alongside Steven Berkoff as a Van Helsing type vampire hunter. Yet in spite of their efforts the film drags interminably through pub chatter and half-hearted subplots to get to the bloody point.

Offering another sentimentalised vision of gangland geezers, the story possibly serves as an allegorical commentary on real life East Europeans supplanting ‘lovable’ cockney criminals amidst the underworld. “There ain’t no honour in London anymore”, observes Eddie. “It’s all business.” Freddy takes this idea one step further when he blames the failure of an early plan to douse the vamps with holy water on “fucking Polish plumbers.”

Structurally the film borrows from From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), springing its vampires as a shock twist while the second half finds Freddy, Chin (Roland Manookian), Magoo (Perry Benson) and plucky stripper Giselle (Janet Montgomery - quite striking throughout her handful of scenes) holed up the club’s basement before their eventual standoff. More interestingly, the film lifts an idea from the late Eighties Doctor Who episode “The Curse of Fenric” in that it is not religious iconography but belief itself that holds vampires at bay. Sadly, the idea goes undeveloped and like the sequel-baiting final scene doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Reviewer: Andrew Pragasam

 

This review has been viewed 1866 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Who's the best?
Robin Askwith
Mark Wahlberg
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Lee Lopez
Jennifer Thomas
Graeme Clark
Enoch Sneed
Andrew Pragasam
Paul Shrimpton
  Rachel Franke
Jason Cook
   

 

Last Updated: