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  One Armed Boxer 2, The Buy this film here.
Year: 1975
Director: Jimmy Wang Yu
Stars: Jimmy Wang Yu, Kam Kang, Lung Kun Ye, Chia Yung Liu, Lung Wei Wang, Tsim Po Sham
Genre: Martial Arts, Trash
Rating:  7 (from 2 votes)
Review: Old-skool kung-fu flicks fall into one of two categories; absolute shite or pure mediocrity. Forget about the mediocre, no-one wants to be bored off their tits for ninety-odd minutes. But as for shite kung-fu films.. Just plunge that power-drill into the back of my brain, baby! So why not dig this cinematic gem out from the dustbin it resides in when it isn't begging for beer money outside the toilets in the bus-station.... Or alternatively just buy it from a petrol station or tobacconists near you.

The Flying Guillotine is out for revenge after two of his wicked disciples are killed by the One Armed Boxer. He's obviously a bad guy because he has a massive swastika on his chest. He is also obviously blind because besides his ultra-long beard and hair (which mysteriously disappears later on in the film, hidden by a crew-cut wig that's ready to fall off.), he has ultra-long eyebrows to match. Why is he called the Flying Guillotine you ask? Well, he has a bee keepers hat on a string, kind of like one of those yo-balls that have just been banned for being too deadly, which he uses to cut off his opponents heads. While the Flying Guillotine is setting off on a mission to kill every one armed man he meets, kung-fu teacher the One Armed Boxer is teaching his students how to walk along the top of wicker dustbins and run up and down walls and across ceilings.

There's a big kung-fu tournament on the way. A newcomer wants to join in the fun but he is told he can't because he is a 'foreigner', made apparent by the fact that, despite his clearly oriental features, he is wearing boot polish on his face and keeps spitting on the floor, but he is allowed to join in anyway after he smashes a breezeblock with his toes and batters the master's students.

The day of the tournament arrives, although the OAB is only along as a spectator. We are now introduced to a whole host of martial-arts misfits competing in the games. These include Razor Sharp Ponytail, with his razor sharp ponytail (no wonder he can't find a decent barber!), the Long Armed Indian with a turban and long arms, Hard Man whose body is a human breezeblock, and Eagle Claws, the master's daughter who uses her eagle claws to rip an opponent's trousers off causing him to flee in shame (pity you didn't have a Deadly Death Dick mate!). Needless to say the Flying Guillotine ruins the proceedings by ripping off a Different One Armed Boxer's head off ( Did I forget to tell you there are a couple of awesome amputees in this film?) and then causing an explosion, killing the master. While this is going on Japanese Secret Knives Guy saves Eagle Claws' life by kidnapping her while she is knocked out.

OAB works out what is going on very quickly (One Armed Boxer very wise man) and, after rescuing Eagle Claws figures out a fiendish plan to defeat his rival when he sees someone cutting bamboo. His plan is a supposedly a secret but it doesn't take a genius to work it out.

It seems now every survivor from the tournament wants a fight with OAB. Long Arms has his long arms broken, and Johnny Foreigner is roasted atop a metal plate. JSKG tries his luck too, only to be smashed by the limbless kung-fu god. When the Flying Guillotine comes along the fighting moves to an aviary where feathers fly every time the guillotine flys and OAB sticks to the ceiling throwing pebbles until he chops the heinous helmet in half with an axe (Fuck knows why he didn't do that in the first place. It would have saved a lot of bother) and then knocks the Guillotine through the roof and straight into a (cheap) coffin.

The soundtrack over the opening credits is an electronic Chinese 80's thrash metal track, and the incidental music sounds like a cheapo kiddies synthesiser having sex with a drum machine on top of a wah-wah pedal. For some reason all the credits have been blurred, presumably to hide the stars' shame. In addition to this, all the flashback scenes are in black, white and pink; the result of all this being that the viewer can still hear their brain crackling long after the film has finished.

Needless to say, the special effects are just laughable. OAB hides his 'severed' arm under his tunic, which is so thin you can even see his fingers moving underneath, and the Indian guy has limbs made of wood (that don't bend). All the fight scenes are either slowed down to a crippled snail's pace or speeded up to resemble a moth on PCP let loose in Bulbs R Us, resulting in heavy brain damage to the viewer. Plus the print looks like it has been stored in a working concrete mixer filled with glass and bleach for the last 20-odd years, faded-to-fuck with endless scratches and jump-cuts.

I don't have a clue when this wonderful atrocity was made although it looks totally eighties, and I don't have a clue as to any of the characters' names, either (Can't you tell I made them all up?). Also Jimmy Wang Yu both starred in and directed this messy bowl of noodles; he may as well have just thrown his CV in the bin along with this. Excellent stuff, but only for connoisseurs of total garbage.

Aka: Du Bi Quan Wang Da Po Xue Di Zi, Master of the Flying Guillotine, The One Armed Boxer Vs the Flying Guillotine

Reviewer: Wayne Southworth

 

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Jimmy Wang Yu  (1944 - )

Chinese actor/director born Yu Wang, who has worked almost entirely in the martial arts genre. A former swimming champion, Yu became one of the biggest stars of 70s kung fu for his work in films such as the The Magnificent Trio, One Armed Swordsmen and Dragon Squad. Often directed himself in his films and produced the Jackie Chan-starrer Island on Fire.

 
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