HOME |  JOIN |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
Adrift
Never a Dull Moment
McQueen
Ugly Duckling, The
Apostle
Distant Voices, Still Lives
Hereditary
Cup Fever
Peril for the Guy
3 Days in Quiberon
Club, The
Best F(r)iends: Volume 1
Pili
Suspect, The
Baxter!
Dead Night
Thoroughbreds
Ghost and the Darkness, The
Strike Commando
Molly
Full Alert
Up the Academy
Darling Lili
Tehran Taboo
Follow That Bird
I, Olga Hepnarová
Finders Keepers
Breadwinner, The
All About Steve
Bad Samaritan
   
 
Newest Articles
If He Were a Carpenter and It Was the 80s: The Fog, Prince of Darkness and They Live
Tee-Hee, It's 80s Sci-Fi Horror: Night of the Comet, The Stuff and Night of the Creeps
Chance of a Ghost: The Uninvited and The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
3 Simian Slashers: Phenomena, Link and Monkey Shines
When is a Jackie Chan Movie Not a Jackie Chan Movie? Armour of God and City Hunter
Anytime Anywhere: The Complete Goodies at the BBC Episode Guide Part 2
Anytime Anywhere: The Complete Goodies at the BBC Episode Guide Part 1
I-Spy Scotland: The Thirty Nine Steps and Eye of the Needle
Manor On Movies--Black Shampoo--three three three films in one
Manor On Movies--Invasion USA
Time Trap: Last Year in Marienbad and La Jetée
Gaining Three Stone: Salvador, Natural Born Killers and Savages
Right Said Bernard: Cribbins on DVD
1969: The Year Westerns Couldn't Get Past
A Network Horror Double Bill: Assault and Death Line on Blu-ray
   
 
  Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn The Third Dimension Is BoredomBuy this film here.
Year: 1983
Director: Charles Band
Stars: Jeffrey Byron, Michael Preston, Tim Thomerson, Kelly Preston, Richard Moll, R. David Smith, Larry Pennell, Marty Zagon, Mickey Fox, J. Bill Jones, Winston Jones, Mike Jones, Michael S. Walter, Rick Militi, Speed Stearns
Genre: Action, Science Fiction
Rating:  3 (from 1 vote)
Review: Dogen (Jeffrey Byron) is driving through an area of wasteland and desert on his quest to track down the renegade Jared-Syn (Michael Preston). After a while, he notices he has company as a jet fighter soars overhead and opens fire, blasting the ground around Dogen's vehicle and destroying his roof-mounted cannon. Luckily, he has another laser gun which he uses to blow the fighter out of the sky, saving his skin, but further up the trail a young woman, Dhyana (Kelly Preston), will cross paths with him with great significance...

During the early eighties there was a shortlived craze for three-dimensional entertainment, mainly at the cinema, but once audiences noticed that most of those films were using the gimmick to make up for the fact that the rest of the production was, frankly, not so good, they started to lose money at the box office. One of those money losers was Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn, a project brought to us by producer Albert Band, as was so much of the low budget science fiction of this era, and this was not what could be called the company's finest hour.

This was intended as the first in a series of adventures, which would explain why there is a noticeable lack of destruction of Jared-Syn no matter what the title says, and doubts have been cast over what exactly a "metalstorm" is too, for that matter. Watching it now, it looks like your basic Star Wars mixed with Mad Max 2 rip-off, and as it was one of a plethora of such movies it's little wonder that it didn't catch on, especially in light of the fact that there is nothing remotely exciting about the story or the presentation, even in 3-D.

Our hero meets Dhyana after her father was killed by the cyborg son of Jared-Syn while they were out mining for crystals - it's never entirely clear why they're so important - and they immediately hit it off. Actually, their relationship is so vital that Jared-Syn is intent on breaking them up, again, for reasons which never become plain. What happens is that Dhyana is replaced one evening by a bloke in a monster suit which is despatched by a trickle of water. There's not much entertainment here even of the camp variety, because daft moments like that are the exception rather than the rule.

Michael Preston was in Mad Max 2, probably the reason he was cast in this, but he makes a lacklustre villain, which is fitting for such a letdown of a film. Brightening things up briefly is the appearance of Tim Thomerson, a Band films regular, as a boozy sidekick, but the weak dialogue which tries to make him into a Han Solo character and fails doesn't do him any favours. Metalstorm could be viewed as a road movie taking into account the amount of driving Dogen does, not ten minutes go by before he's back behind the wheel again, but this simply adds to the ennui. Defiantly unexciting, you would be better off watching a Saturday morning cartoon instead of this, and without the 3-D the film is a painfully tedious experience. Music by Richard Band.
Reviewer: Graeme Clark

 

This review has been viewed 1808 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Who's the best?
Steven Seagal
Pam Grier
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
Paul Shrimpton
Andrew Pragasam
Stately Wayne Manor
  Patrick Keenan
Enoch Sneed
Ian Phillips
  Afra Khan
   

 

Last Updated: