When her gangster boyfriend is murdered by his treacherous associates, Crystal (Chesty Morgan) gives up her job in advertising to take her revenge. Posing as a stripper, she sets out to use the only weapons she has - her enormous breasts - to smother the killers to death...
More of a freak show than a soft core porn movie, Deadly Weapons was written by the niece of the director, Doris Wishman, who here shows why she was considered by many to be one of the worst directors of all time. The Wishman trademarks are there - miniscule budget, gratuitous nudity, stilited dialogue, and lots of closeups for no good reason. Especially of the actors' feet.
And Miss Morgan? Surely her gargantuan bosom offers some attraction? Well, her breasts are certainly large, but they sag down below her waist and are covered in thick veins. Combine this with Chesty's vacant stare and ill-fitting platinum blonde wig, and you'd be pushed to call her beguiling, even if she does exert an uncomfortable fascination. She must have a drink problem as well, because when she orders a whisky a the bar, she gets a huge tumbler-full.
All the dialogue is dubbed, so many of the conversations take place over the telephone, and of course there are those closeups of ashtrays, pictures of dogs on the wall, wine glasses and, er, more telephones to keep things visually interesting. Wishman makes us run the gamut of emotions, too: witness the touching flashback when Crystal recalls her lost love as her tears fall on her cleavage - there won't be a dry eye in the house. Yes, it really is that hilarious.
In spite of being a load of rubbish, Deadly Weapons manages to be entertaining through its sheer ineptitude. The sight of Chesty suffocating her victims is sure to raise a laugh (is that supposed to be thunder on the soundtrack?), and there is a twist ending in store if you manage to watch that far. The film was successful enough to inspire a follow-up, Double Agent 73, the next year.
American writer-producer-director regarded by many as one of the worst directors of all time, her idiosyncratic, low budget, often sexually-themed films include Nude on the Moon, Bad Girls Go To Hell, The Amazing Transplant, Let Me Die A Woman and the two "Chesty Morgan" films: Double Agent 73 and Deadly Weapons. Watch for her highly individual use of the closeup and dubbed dialogue, not to mention all those feet.
Sad cases everywhere will notice a scream dubbed into this film cribbed from Kent Bateman's notoriously bloody awful 'The Headless Eyes' (1971). It's even on the trailer. For Christ's sake...too hard up to even record an original scream?
20 Feb 2007
But it makes a change from the Wilhelm Scream, eh?
22 Feb 2007
Oh THAT old thing...even turns up in Disney's Song of the South for God's sakes!