HOME |  JOIN |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
American Assassin
Die, Mommie, Die!
All the Money in the World
Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds, The
Black Panther
Children's Hour, The
Mayhem
Sphere
Guyver, The
Night School
Loveless
Ragtime
Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters
Murders in the Rue Morgue
Wound, The
Scalawag
Let's Get Harry
Girl with Green Eyes
Sunchaser, The
Tom Jones
Downsizing
Defiant Ones, The
Centerfold Girls, The
Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, The
120 BPM (Beats Per Minute)
Police Academy 3: Back in Training
Safe Place, A
Saturday Night and Sunday Morning
Cargo
Entertainer, The
   
 
Newest Articles
Bad Taste from Outer Space: Galaxy of Terror and Xtro
A Yen for the 1990s: Iron Monkey and Satan Returns
Hey, Punk: Jubilee and Rock 'n' Roll High School
Help! with The Knack: Richard Lester in 1965
Roll Up, Get Yer Free Cinema: The Shorts on the BFI Woodfall Blu-rays
Time for Heroes: The Dam Busters and How I Won the War
Hell is a City: Midnight Cowboy and Taxi Driver
Boris Goes Bonkers, Bela Goes Bats: The Old Dark House and Mark of the Vampire
Charles Bronson's Mid-70s: Breakheart Pass and Others
Kids in America: The Breakfast Club vs Metropolitan
80s Dance-Off: Staying Alive vs Murder-Rock vs Breakin'
The Cinematic Darkside of Donald Crowhurst
Dutch Courage: The Flodder Series
Coming of Age: Boys on Film 18 - Heroes on DVD
Country and Irish - The secret history of Irish pop culture
   
 

Manor On Movies - Beach Terror!

  It's summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime. summert-i-i-i-i-i-me. And what does that mean at the Stately Estate? Beach movies, of course. However, as much as I admire Eric VonZipper (and Annette--madone!), I'm not going to be the 1462nd writer to chronicle the usual seaside epics: Here at M-O-M we favor high-tide-and-homocide features over surf-and-sand shows.

The Horror of Party Beach If you too enjoyed Humanoids From The Deep, get your fins on its precursor The Horror Of Party Beach (1964). Ocean-dumped radioactive waste seeps out of its barrel and coats skeletons from a convenient sunken ship to create amphibious whatzits--hey, it's plausible!--who have a special taste for the 18-35 demographic. Thereafter, the fanged thangs do their best to rid Long Island of its gainfully unemployed, ripping into irresponsible tease Tina, dames out after dark without a chaperone, a bevy of sorority broads expecting "those boys from Chi Psi" to bop by the coeds' slumber party, drunksh who shlur their wordsh and an assortment of other future yuppies.

Unfortunately, the saltwater slaughterers fail to invade the home of Master William Joel, grade-school pianist. To counterbalance that disappointment, though, Director Del Tenney treats us to bikers gangstomping the squeaky-clean "good guy" within the very first ten minutes. (If only this was shot in Virtual Reality so we could all join in.) Plus, there's the musical styling of the dynamic Del-Aires for your dancing and dying pleasure.

The Horror of Party Beach If that's not enough, wait until you get an eye-and earful of the maid. Yes, she's a roly-poly, eyebugging Negress; yes, she is stereotypically named Eulabelle; and, yes, she says things like "It's da voodoo, I tell ya." No wonder Watts got torched! Now, this shocking racism isn't the least bit cool, mind you; nonetheless, it does have a glimmer of redeeming value in that it will drive the PC Posse straight into cardiac arrest.

Gaffebusters, keep a close eye on the newspapers flashing onscreen. After the first death, the secondary lead story is "Panic In New York; Menagerie Breaks Loose." Two days later, following the slumber party mass murder, the secondary lead is..."Panic In New York; Menagerie Breaks Loose." More amazing still, this very same subhead can also be seen in Bloodsucking Freaks (1978). Will someone in the Big Apple replace the friggin' zoo lock already?

Beach Girls and the Monster Recommended even higher than HOPB is Beach Girls And The Monster (1965) starring Jon Hall in his directorial debut--and finale. But you say you'll miss the Del-Aires? Not to worry, Murray, the music here is provided by none other than Young Blue Eyes himself, Frank Sinatra, Junior...and we all know how many chart-toppers he's penned.

Hall, something of a hunk in Forties South Seas romance pics, plays obsessed Otto Lindsay, an oceanographer with pressing domestic problems. Son Rich would rather surf than follow his father's fish-filing footsteps. (Gasp! The nerve of some children.) Also moping around the cod counter's casa is Mark, saddled with a bum leg due to Rich's reckless driving.

And then there's vavavoom Vicky, the second Mrs. Lindsay, a classic Cocktail-Sipping, Seductress Stepmother complete with Bourbon Street bluesy theme song. The wedding rice hardly out of her hair, Mrs. L. could teach Runaround Sue a thing or two, I'll tell you.

Beach Girls and the MonsterAs if a household full of headaches isn't stressful enough, those damn fun-lovers have the audacity to crowd the beach outside of Otto's lab. Why aren't these goldbrickers in Nam where they belong? When the understanding sheriff explains that the traditional 27-year-old Hollywood teenagers are simply "trying to find themselves", Otto cynically sneers, "They'll 'find themselves' in your jail one day." (And Pop can't understand why Rich wants to move to Hawaii.)

Fortunately for the fish freak, an oceanic terrornaut begins bumping off the beach boys and bunnies. Typical of the era's herd mentality, Mark is immediately fingered as the prime suspect because, after all, he's not "normal." This is Southern California, pal, where physical imperfection will NOT be tolerated. (You may have thought Otto was a bastard, but by this point Manormaniacs should be clearly pulling for the monster. You go, Gill.)

Beach Girls has a load of mystical moments, far too many to detail in the Beach Girls and the Monster confines of this column.Oh, all right, I'll mention a few: a magical guitar switches from an acoustic to an electric tone as need be and even plays itself while being passed to another strummer; foreshadowing picture-in-a-picture TV technology (and creatively padding the running time), Rich and Mark watch a full reel of 8mm surfing footage--and we watch them watch it; and, a particularly cell-altering performance of that London Philharmonic favorite, The Monster From The Surf (the film's alternate title.)

In this mesmerizing melodic interlude, Rich's girlfriend co-conducts a sing-along with a peculiar-looking fellow donning a hand puppet (!), silly hat and clip-on beard. Why the goofy get-up? So you wouldn't recognize the crooner as Walker Edmiston, the actor portraying Mark!!!

The Horror Of Party Beach and Beach Girls And The Monster: Who says there ain't no cure for the summertime blues?
Author: Stately Wayne Manor.

 

< Back to Article list

Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which film has the best theme song?
Spectre
The Ups and Downs of a Handyman
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
Enoch Sneed
Paul Smith
  Jamie Nichols
Andrew Pragasam
George White
Darren Jones
  Butch Elliot
   

 

Last Updated: 31 March, 2018